Brake? Break? or Breakdown?

Recently, as I got my seasonal COVID booster shot I had a moment of awareness. Now, as we live in a world that has forever been changed by COVID, I am struck by the number of people that I know personally that are struggling with mental health challenges as we move toward the end of 2023.

With the juggling of personal care, family life, physical and emotional health, jobs and finances all while stabilizing and maintaining relationships, I find many individuals are running on emotional fumes. Often I hear: " I need a break."

But what does that actually mean?

We say we need a break, meaning: "a pause in work or an activity".

BUT, I think that what we, in the mental health community really mean is we need to brake, defined as: "(a device used to) slow down or stop movement or activity (usually through friction)".

Isn't the crazy world that we are living in friction enough? The device(s) that are being challenged being our brains, our nervous systems and of course our own emotions.

I find that by not putting concrete action plans into place collaboratively with my doctors, therapist and myself that I then potentially put myself at risk for a mental health crisis or breakdown. A breakdown is simply defined as "when something ceases to continue to the point of collapse"or defined differently as: "to lose control of one's emotions when in a state of distress".

In my own lived experience self-awareness and personal accountability are the keys in making sure that a break (brake) does not become a breakdown. The problem lies when we all seem to have individuals in our lives who are the stress from which we need the ever important break.

To complicate things further it often times is a manager, coworker, friend or even family member who possesses no self awareness and does not have the emotional maturity to hear that they are the cause of the distressing situation.

This month my siblings and I are attempting to work collectively to empty out our childhood home, so that it can be put on the market. All of us have good intentions and ultimately want the best for my Dad. But making decisions by committee and/or relinquishing control of some perceived roles and responsibilities has proven more challenging for some than others. It has been interesting to me to see how my own years in therapy and recovery have risen to the forefront while navigating this overwhelming task. Each sibling has seemed to respond uniquely to the the loss of my Dad as we knew him. Each separately processing the the distribution and disposal of the home's contents, and the unexpressed grief it manifests in each child. Some siblings have been pushed to a raw edge as tempers flare and arguments abound as a best plan of action seems to differ. from person to person. The one saving grace being that we all are unanimous in moving the process forward to create funds to allow my soon to be 90 year old Dad the best possible care in his remaining years.

I recently expressed to a trusted friend that I was finding the entire process exhausting and while attempting to set personal boundaries often felt dismissed or unheard. A personal trigger for me. I told him that I needed to put a brake on my own involvement or at least take a step away for a break to recharge my own burnt out mental health. As I do not want to wind up in a breakdown that would only add more chaos to an already tense situation, one not necessarily of my own making.

The friend was empathetic and acknowledged the enormous time and effort that goes into caring for an octogenarian and removal and disposal of a lifetime of accumulated family possessions. But he pointed out that I have multiple siblings to share the burden with and he had to do this entire process on his own.

I tried to mirror back to him my condolences for what he had to do alone and expressed that I can only imagine how physically and emotionally difficult that truly must have been for him. But, I also shared with him that from my own experiences going through a transition of this magnitude and trying to do it "by committee" taking other siblings opinions and ideas into consideration at every turn is, for me, mentally fatiguing.

So, I am setting a healthy boundary this week and putting a brake on my personal involvement as I need a mental break so that I don't involuntarily create my own breakdown.

For me that looks like re-engaging in personal passions like writing and singing, reading and time with my dog. These practices will allow me to discover personal breakthroughs rather than breakdowns.

What do you do when your mind and body tell you that you need a break?

" Do something nice for yourself today. Find some quiet, sit in stillness, breathe. Put your problems on pause. You deserve a break. " Akiroq Brost

Until we meet again I wish you peace and wellness as you journey on Serenity Road.